Why the outside world feels so wrong

And why the senses come to rest at home

Shoes off. Shirt changed. Window open. Lights off. Blanket on. Music on. TV off. Make-up off.

Our home life is a constant flow of small actions to curate our comfort, to make sure our surroundings are matching our very specific and forever changing needs, to cater for the whims of our senses.

We are constantly adjusting and fine-tuning our home so that it fits our ideas of what is nice to the touch, matches our idea of perfect background noise, satisfies our noses and taste buds, and is pleasant to look at.

To be able to do this is unique to our homes. Only in your house can you make sure you are fully comfy. Only inside your own four walls do you have the authority to act like a crazed stage director fixing every little sensory detail.

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The outside world can not be curated (and that sucks)

The outside world does not let you curate anything. There are norms: like you need to keep your pants and shoes on, or you shouldn’t pick your nose in public. There are practical hindrances; you can not make a cup of tea in a park or have a hot shower at your office.

In a lot of places, you can not even do the minimum, such as opening the window or changing the radio station to something that is not reggaeton.

Even in a hotel or Airbnb, there are limitations. The lights are what they are (in the wrong places, too bright or cold), the aircon is always blasting you with freezing air, and the blankets have a weird smell of disinfectant.

So in the outside world, you are left to deal with the discomfort, to push through in your tight jeans and pinchy shoes, fighting against feeling a little bit too thirsty and hungry, and overstimulated from the noise, weird temperature and horrible lighting.

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Reclaiming the sensory pleasure

When we arrive home, we reclaim our sensory pleasure. Most of the things we do when we enter are part of that. We pee, have a glass of water or a snack, shower, remove makeup, remove bras, put hair up, and change clothes.

We put on OUR music or TV show. We curl up in our fave spot, hug our fave cushion or blanket. And we cuddle, with our family, with our pets, even our soft toys.

We make meals, snacks and drinks that we only get to have at home. 6 cups of tea, a messy sandwich, a carefully measured mix of sparkling water and juice.

We adjust the temperature, we shut off noisy things (especially the extractor fan), we light candles or fairy lights. We pull or open the curtains.

We even release the posture, the pulled-in stomach, the farts, and the polite smile. We let our muscles go into their neutral state.

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It's not for nothing

This not fussiness, it’s intelligent. We need the rest, we need the sensory release to be able to function day in and day out. We need to charge our sensory batteries. We must protect our bodies and minds from constant small irritation and disruption.

These things matter more than you think. It’s not just about being a little more comfy. It’s about feeling safe.

All of these actions together create an environment where your nervous system can go:

“Phew, we survived. We are fine. We are taken care of. We are calm.”

You also need a place where you have autonomy. That feeling taps into something really raw and primaeval: “This is my cave, and I will do with it as I please.”

And it is about control. The outside world is chaos and destruction. At home, you can control the finest little details, down to the exact volume of the music, and changing out of the T-shirt that has a scratchy label at the neck.

The world of today does not give us much of a release. These times are ridden with uncertainty and discomfort. Outside, we do not enjoy much safety, autonomy or sense of control.

At least, in our homes, we still have the power.

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Tip of the week: make yourself a little nest

Remember how, as a kid, you would make little huts, nests, and hideaways out of anything? Now take your cushions and your pillows, a blanket or two, and create a nest on your bed or sofa. Make it as absurdly comfortable as you can imagine, no shame.

You can string up fairy lights, put on music or a movie, and make a hot drink. Or you can just be, close your eyes and take calm breaths.

Wishing you lots of love and light from the Haus of Weis, Aurinna

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Your subscription keeps the lights on in the Haus of Weis. Subscribe to get domestic insights into your inbox every other Wednesday.